Some folk in Greyfriars Kirkâs congregation are not so much Harry Potter fans. Some have not read the books. In fact at least one old lady has become so bothered by Harryâs endless hordes she confessed "I *sometimes* wish the books had never been written".
Most Edinburghers are quietly proud of Rowling, sheâs ours, she overcame here, her epic is a luminous pillar of our childhoods, the Ministry of Magic is a Tory government, naturally, weâre fond of her. Except perhaps when she has her towering hedges cut & cherry-picker lorries block the roads: traffic forms, teeth grind.
Anyway, you are wanted in Edinburgh and you will receive a warm welcome in the historied world heritage graveyard of Greyfriars Kirk; which boasts a broad congregation. However, you will be loved all the more, by all of Greyfriarsâ community, if you give back for your visit.
Whether thatâs by donating ÂŁ1 inside the Kirk for their map of Graves or taking our Kirkâs own loving & encyclopedic historical tour. Or book one of the many Potter tours that visit, which are expected to pay an ENORMOUS levy to preserve & enhance the Kirkyard for future generations.
And if your just not ÂŁ1 into a macabre open-air museum, better not go, youâll get skinned, these people, or that one old lady anyways - boominâ dangerous. Bloominâ lethal. You should visit Camera Obscura world of illusions instead. That is truly wicked fun & ridiculous too.
Go well
x
Sam
Great! God bless you.
Ask them what the money goes to.
Alternatively or additionally you could make a ÂŁ3 donation inside the Kirk & light a couple of candles. One for Jesus, one for He Who Shall Not Be Named.
This is a ritual that should only, ONLY be exercised after expressing gratitude to the Christians, earning safe passage. Recite aloud on arrival & donât forget to fully document our proud new dawn for later broadcast #Edinburgh #darkLordCometh
Dark Lord we summon thee.
To break through this solid turf
To claw the sticky Mud aside
To proudly bestride the Earth,
with us by your side.
We are your dedicated, devoted servants
Countless years we dreamed your resurgence
Release us from Disgraceâs shackles
Spare us from M*d-blood jackals
For you are the greatest Wizard of all time
No crypt nor law can curb your climb
Raise Pure-blood to its rightful sovereign apogee
Abort the Ministry's infernal liberal calamity
Let every Witch & Wizard quail
As power rises in our hands
For our 3rd, Supreme Darkness shall prevail
And smother these sickly lands
Now spit on your fingers & place them upon the sacred earth (or blow on your fingers if anyoneâs watching)
REZ-UR-GAMUS!
Effect may not be immediate. Needs a Grave tone. The Gravest. Rain also helps... Maybe wait it out over a peach & coconut milkshake at Nicolsons?
The look on Voldemortâs face right?!
JK Rowling says "all enduring fictional bad guys encapsulate primal terrors and share certain traits. Invincible to the point of immortality, they commit atrocities without conscience and cannot be defeated by the ordinary man or by conventional means. Hannibal Lecter, Lord Voldemort and Big Brother: all are simultaneously inhuman and superhuman and that is what frightens us most".
For some time JK Rowling considered killing Harry in his final battle with Voldemort. She felt it would a neat ending and a good way to kill off the merchandise. Warner Brothers executives had to come to Edinburgh for Rowlingâs approval - she protects her family life. They would sweat.
Rowling ultimately decided killing Harry would have been a betrayal, because she wanted her hero to do what she thought was the most noble thing. "So I had him come back from war and try to build a better world".
Learn more about Rowlingâs motivations & experience less-inhibited magical madness on an award winning, 4 hour walking tour about the writing of Harry Potter.
Soothe the mighty Puff, tap & stroke.
All Gryffindorâs must pay their respects today to my dear relative William Mcgonagall.
They may then break to Nicolsons
& the miscellaneous wonders of Hogsmeade, on presentation of their guardianâs permission.
Apart from Ronald Weasley who will be cleaning the Trophy room. Thankyou.
Ron: Typical.
Or make it memorable...
You can see that Thomas Riddell jnr was an adventuring sea captain. Who died younger: Harry Potterâs nemesis Voldemort or our sacred Thomas Riddell?
Repeat after me "I am a wizard not a baboon with a stick" đ
In the books Thomas Riddle, son of Thomas Riddle Senior, lived to 71 years old. Clearly he must have staged his death in Edinburgh, embracing a new life as immortal Voldemort. He also spelled his name wrong. One day Iâm going to have ten names and spell them all wrong.
Potterheads sometimes leave notes here for the Dark Lord, theyâre a joy to read...
"RIP Tom, thank you for making us all believe in magic. You are an inspiration."
Another sneered "Dear idiots, you know thereâs a difference between fiction and reality, right?"
Ah, go boil yer head.
Whoâs killed more?
Some countries say 'never again', some multi-nationals say 'Once is never enough'. Genocide is wrong. Sandemans & at least 1 other multi-national, headquartered outwith Scotland broke our rules.
Why do you think they did this?
Is it because they love the families & peoples of Britain?
When visiting choose local tour companies whose executive can be faced by families they may mutilate & whose prosperity will contribute most to the city & Scotland. Or if you đ murderous global brands that create poverty for us, maybe go to Manchester instead?
We đ them!
But seriously, if you come here and go on their tours, well you just shouldn't have come, your visit and presence is worthless to our city and an insult to our peoples. People have died. You are grot too đ¤ˇ
Sadly I have little hope for your OWLS*, but girls bathrooms are forever in want of lumbering, knuckle-dragging bone-heads.
The Dark Lord does not trifle with death tallies. The Dark Lord simply seeks to emancipate all members of society to their rightful station, murder is merely an unfortunate neccessity to lubricate the wheels.
* Ordinary Wizarding Levels đ
Where did Thomas Riddle grow up?
Well I guess we shouldnât expect too much, Potter the boy who fell off the back of a broom đ¤
In the Half Blood Prince we see how a neglected, loveless beginning in Woolâs orphanage, led Tom to a desire for domination and punishing people. Dumbledore could have perhaps shown him love and developed him much like he did for his counterpart, the unloved, parentless cupboard-dweller Harry, but he didnât.
The name "Thomas" is the Greek form of the Aramaic name Taâomaâ, which meant "twin". Both Harry and Tom grew up unwanted & bullied & were half-bloods. If they lived in Edinburgh they might both well have been sorted into a house at George Heriotâs school, founded as a school for poor and fatherless âbairnsâ (kids). But Rowling has said Voldemort being a literal relative of Harry would be a bit "Star Wars".
By the time Dumbledore arrived at the orphanage to invite Tom to Hogwarts he was too far along. A loving relationship was impossible because Tom was compelled to withdraw to avoid the shame of Dumbledoreâs disapproval. Itâs hard to like those who distrust and dislike us, so in time Tom came to despise Dumbledore.
Rowling said everything would have been different if Tomâs mother Merope had survived and raised him herself, she says âlove winsâ.
Dumbledore is, on this occasion, a mentor by counter-example. If we treat everybody as precious, even those who have wronged, or we disagree with, then we do not drive people to become twisted in their hatred of us or our values.
Potterâs touched in the head, Iâve seen more liveliness in Merlinâs saggy left testicle đĽ
At Hogwarts Tom found his world. Disowning his Muggle past, Tom embraced a new identity. How is Tomâs Wizard supremacist name pronounced?
Hold your Hippogriffs! â Potterâs not the swiftest wand in Ollivanders.
Rowling pronounces it "Voldemoor", but she confessed she is the only one in the whole world. In JK Rowlingâs smash hit play The Cursed Child all the characterâs pronounce his name properly.
In the Chamber Of Secrets we learn that Tom Marvolo Riddle, a half blood like Harry, chose to turn his back on his Muggle side and embrace his wizard heritage declaring 'I am Lord Voldemort', which is in fact an anagram of his original name.
To preserve this anagram in the foreign translations his middle name had to change. In Iceland: Tom Trevor Delgome, perhaps Neville Longbottomâs toad had a duel identity, he did go wandering a lot. Norway: Tom Dredolo Venster, half of 'dread' it sounds suitably ominous, France: Tom Elvis Jedusor, nobody can beat the French.
Except perhaps the Spanish translation, Nevilleâs toad, which heâs always losing, was translated as a turtle. "Which surely makes losing it rather more difficult" - JK.
Perhaps an interesting thing to ask about when chatting to Harry Potter fans who read them in translation.
Itâs a wonder Potter hasnât poisoned himself. We can all be thankful that delight awaits âł
Voldemort spent his whole life striving to conquer the âidiot humiliationâ of death. He slaughtered a unicorn to try and restore himself. Broke into the Chamber of Secrets riding on the back of Quirrellâs head to steal Philosopherâs Stone & win immortality.
The saga is driven by Tomâs thirst for eternal life, a deliberate contrast to Dumbledoreâs attitude âTo the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.â
Can you guess Voldemortâs Boggart, the wardrobe dwelling creature that takes the shape of a witchâs or wizardâs worst fear?
You think Voldmor feared Harry? He hated Dumbledoreâs pawn perhaps, but mostly he was puzzled by him.
Dumbledore was a powerful adversary, the champion of liberalism, to be managed and outmaneuvered. He left Tomâs boots quake free đż
Himself as a corpse. He most fears death - âVol - de - mortâ, French for theft of death. Ferocious matriarch Molly Weasleyâs Boggart is the death of a family member.
If Voldemort stood in front of the Mirror of Erised - which translates to âI show not your face but your heartâs desireâ what would he see?
He would see âhimself all-powerful and eternal. Thatâs what he wants." - JKR
Rowling intended a literal lesson to all readers with the mirror of ERISED, and Dumbledoreâs caution âit does not do to dwell on dreams Harry and forget to liveâ. What does this mean in your life?
To my mind the most unusual things about Voldemort is he had empathy.
General Tagge: But thatâs impossible! How will the Emperor maintain control without the bureaucracy?
Governor Tarkin: The regional governors now have direct control over their territories. Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of this battle station. [ the Deathstar ]
Powerful line Fear. But Fear - whereâs the subtly? Whereâs the finesse?
Voldemort mastered people through empathy, preying on their fears and desires. In the Order of the Phoenix this heightened skill is called Legimency, the ability to reach in and decode peoplesâ minds; uncontrolled emotions render targets an open book.
But Tomâs empathy is clearest in the Chamber of Secrets, when Tom Riddleâs diary learns Ginny Weasleyâs secrets as she confides in it. It uses her fears and desires and shame to manipulate her.
In some respects itâs similar to how The One Ring allows Sauron to look into Frodo, but Riddleâs diary is more fully developed with the idea pivotal to the plot.
Whose diary was Tomâs diary inspired by?
JKR: "My sister used to commit her innermost thoughts to her diary. Her great fear was that someone would read it. Thatâs how the idea came to me of a diary that is itself against you. You would be confiding everything to pages that arenât inanimate."
Rowlingâs mother loved to read, their childhood cottage was stuffed with books. In fact one of Rowlingâs relatives was a reader for a publisher, and the Rowlings received yet-to-be published manuscripts from her.
One of Rowling greatest regrets is never telling her mother she had begun Harry Potter, and that she was never lived to see her success.
Not to our knowledge. She entertained her sister with stories and hungered for a large family like the Weasleys. She had a school friend with a large family, so Rowling had no illusions, the poverty of the Weasley family is based on her friendâs situation.
Rowling liked to invent games and play them with her sister Di, who she bullied if she didnât play them to her satisfaction. She said a larger family would be more people to boss around.
Voldemort is âthe one wizard who went as bad as you can goâ. He has refined methods of torture and kills casually; he is without remorse. Can you tell me which tree his wand is taken from?
His wand, matched to him by Ollivander, is made of Yew, whose sap is poisonous and fatal to humans, it is supposed to endow itâs possessor with the power of life and death. Yew wood continues to be poisonous after a tree has died. Thereâs a circle of growthless ground surrounding his grave, perhaps Tom was buried with his wand.
Was Harryâs wand. He shared a wand core with Tom, a Phoenix feather from Fawkesâ tail. But Rowlingâs choice of wood was a deliberate contrast to Voldemortâs wand. Rowling said "European tradition has it that the holly tree (the name comes from âholyâ) repels evil".
She said that wands of Holly are matched to wizards "engaged in some dangerous and often spiritual quest"
Dumbledoreâs, Voldemortâs and lastly Harryâs wand, The Elder wand, also known as the Death stick, was allegedly made by Death and much like Frodoâs ring it chose its owner. It is generally of opportunistic temperament choosing the wizard who has the greatest power. Ultimately it chose Harry over Voldemort. Harry had love, love wins.
âWand of elder never prosperâ is a witch saying, echoing a line from the Wiccan Rede, âElder is the Ladyâs Tree, burn it not or cursed ye be!â. Wiccanâs believe cutting Elder enrages the Mother Goddess, provoking her to seek vengeance.
More delightful commentary on the Elder Wand can be found in Rowlingâs "Tales of Beedle the Bard", a book every Potterhead must read.
Tomâs mother was from an ancient pure blood wizard family the Gaunts. Who in particular did they like to marry?
Nobody much liked Tomâs mother Merope, not even her own father. She drugged Muggle Tom Riddle snr, the love of her life, with a love potion. She was a black sheep đ
đ You lost a Galleon & found a knut. -145 + 1 points.
Great sizzling dragon bogies, how is it possible to be this hopeless?
Their cousins, to keep their bloodline pure. Prince Charlesâ ears anyone?
Violence flourished through the generations due to their habit of marrying their own cousins, Tom believed âMagic is Mightâ.
Tom murdered his grandfather, a bovine-brained Muggle. What was his grandfatherâs job?
Your body should just quit, pointless sloshing around those dungbrains all day đŠ
He was the Squire of Little Hangleton, meaning a village leader and possibly a member of parliament, thus all answers are arguably valid.
âTomosâ, is Ancient Greek for "slice" or "piece", when Tom killed his grandfather he sliced his soul in half.
Tom murdered an MP. Donât do this at home kids.
đŞ If I were you Iâd chop that Dunderhead right off, save you a great deal of trouble and embarrassment.
Youâve made a pilgrimage to the resting place of the worst wizard of modern times, perhaps we should learn some Dark Magic. How many forbidden curses are there?
Ordinarily Iâd suspect you were under control of the Imperius Curse, but no Legilimency can penetrate a bone head đ
Outlawed by the ministry of magic, to maintain civilisation. Punishable by trial before the Wizengamot. Sentence of life in Azkaban. Voldemort knows them like the inside of his eyelids.
Harry Potter however was hopeless. At the battle of the Department of Mysteries he was unable to effectively cast the Cruciatus Curse on Bellatrix Lestrange, despite his fury with her for the murder of his beloved godfather. Harry lacked the desire to cause pain for its own sake.
Once again Potter proves the value of a cauldron with holes, you fill him with valuable ingredients and they just shoot straight out đ¸
Tom spent his summers at Woolâs orphanage London. Whereâs Tomâs favourite station?
Tom was born in 1905. He was killed by Harry in 1998. His broken and mutilated soul is now trapped in the Limbo* of Kings Cross station for all eternity, waiting for a train-on, that never comes. Your standard London commute. Kingâs Cross also launched him to the only home he ever knew.
*Limbo derives from the Latin âlimbusâ, meaning "edge, border". So in Latin "in limbo" would mean "in a condition of neglect or oblivion". Rowling studied Classics at university, find out more about the sagaâs grounding on a tour.What can we expect? Of a boy too solid to apparate a meter.
đ¸ Potter, some words of advice, donât leave anything behind. The only way youâre coming back next year, is as somebodies pet. Itâs perhaps fortunate that Longbottomâs always losing his.
Well I think it is often the case that the biggest bullies take what they know to be their own defects, as they see it, and they put them right on someone else and then they try and destroy the other and thatâs what Voldemort does - JKR
So you made an event out of it.
Tut, tut, you think youâre clever?
It can be better.
Edinburgh is JK Rowlingâs home, Harry Potter is in the rock, the magical world opens
up down every twisted alley. Transmute your passion into an experience, come on a
loving Potter tour. Or...
While youâre near, ~7 minutes walk, retire for a restorative hot chocolate or expresso in Rowlingâs fondly remembered Nicolsons.
Victoria Street inspiration for Diagon Alley? Is 3 minutes walk through the bottom gates of the Kirkyard or at the weekend back out the slideshow entrance & down Candlemaker Row - Victoria Street looks most convincing from the bottom looking up.
Mystery novelist & former British Prime Minister Theresa May was asked 'Who is your favourite fictional villain?â Was it...
From Sherlock Holmes, true. But not a competent answer is it?
Itâs a pity your not as skilled in my class as you are on the Quidditch field, or you might dream to graduate.
David Cameron was Theresa Mayâs predecessor as PM. Master Cameron oversaw a boom in homelessness, gave us the Brexit referendum, resigned & purchased a ÂŁ25,000 shed. Sadly none of these things are fictional.
Nevertheless I would buy Fancy-shed Dave a Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks because I, Sam, am mostly civil, although my charming sister will eagerly tell you I smell. Despite that I doubt all the treasure in Gringotts would persuade Madam Rosmerta to serve Muggles đ¤ˇ
Class, this is one of those rare rare occasions, like an eclipse: we are compelled to marvel. The boy who can fall a mile from his broom, then land on his head without complaint, is, behold; correct.
Theresa May favours Lord Voldemort & Sherlockâs Moriarty saying
They are proper villains. I think itâs good when you have a villain who you know is a villain... I enjoy books with happy endings & definite endings. I find books difficult when they kind of fade out.Harry Potter having none of those.
As the creator of the centuryâs most celebrated epic Rowling was solicited to do a reading for the London Olympics opening ceremony. She was resistant, Rowling suffers performance anxiety.
She was only roped in when the ceremonyâs director, Danny "Trainspotting" Boyle, called her up & said 'Look weâve got the Queen jumping out of an aeroplaneâ, the Galleon dropped, Rowling realised no one would ever remember her.
đ Old Town WiFi: EdiFreeWiFi
Rowling said:
It was most terrifying thing Iâve done in my life but it was a moment Iâll remember on my Deathbed. It was the most epic eventNow watch 2 dozen Mary Poppins sail from the sky and defeat the darkest wizard of our age at the 2012 Olympics opening ceremony. They do in three minutes what took Harry 7 years.
There was a genteel tap of the knocker & the musical voice asked, again, âWhere do vanished objects go?â âInto non-being, which is to say, everything,â replied Professor McGonagall.Voldemort is in us all.
Not booked a tour yet?
Galloping gargoyles!Oy, Brains, donât steal!
Can be used by non-commercial, non-competitive bodies, obviously not entirely original, leaned on Harryâs biography ainât I? Nevertheless all help to a struggling independent Potterhead deeply appreciated.
Contact SamVoldemort reborn by Dylan
Warner Brothers Voldemort meme: thankyou Bros for some magical movies.
Christian Wallenius fabulous lairy badger.
Rusty Currier created the truly horiffic, stomach churning, picture of Nagini suckling baby Lord Voldemort, bravo!
Purchase a GiclĂŠe print of the line drawing of Edinburgh Castle from artist Sean Briggs